Boys' U16A v Malvern, L7-4

Date:
Saturday 10th October

Venue:
Away, depart 11.40 am

Team: Adams (C), Carr (C)Capt., Jones (C), Prutton (C), Winfield (C), Priestley (L), Riley (L), Sunner (N), Jopson (P), Croson (S), Findlay (S), Welch (S).

Result:
Malvern 7-4 Repton

Match Report:
I shall not bore you, dear reader, with the complete farce that, one way or another, saw us kick-off this match nearly an hour late (and suddenly without our captain and defensive 'rock'), nor the post-script of tragi-comedy following it. I shall merely recount the details of absolutely the worst game of football I have ever watched.

Unsurprisingly, given that the opposition's pitches lie in the foothills of The Malverns, there was a steep slope, of which the home team had the advantage in the first half - probably adding an extra 5mph to each player's running-forward through sheer momentum. And they attacked with gusto, if not great skill, in the opening minutes, although our defence cleared each time - albeit in agricultural, rather than clinical, style. However, in the 8th minute, what ought to have been a very simple clearance for one of our defenders turned into a spectacular air-shot, the ball and a striker running past this hapless individual (no names, as the entire team shares the guilt this time) and poking home.

Further defensive howlers in the 25th and 35th minutes put Malvern 3-0 up; a scoreline that beggared belief, given how ordinary a team they were. Granted, their 3rd goal should have been disallowed for an offside of staggering obviousness - but we must not make excuses: we were even poorer than them, defending with a complete lack of thought, while our attack lacked invention.

Notwithstanding this, I was (foolishly in retrospect) fairly confident going into the second half: we now had the slope; we had changed formation to give greater solidity at the back; we had analysed their few strengths and considerable weaknesses and formed a game-plan. And besides, what more could go wrong on a day that had been so uniformly rubbish to us thus far?

Shortly after the restart, Winfield raced the ball down the left wing (avoiding, as instructed, their centre-backs, who were their only decent players) putting a cross into the goal area. Sunner and Jopson were both there, the latter poking it home for what ought to have been the first of many.

Not so. Five minutes later, another defensive error restored their 3-goal advantage. And from the re-start, we immediately gave the ball away, to let them add another just a minute later.

In need of goals, we changed to a 3-4-3 system to maximise our attacking skills, and this paid off when first Sunner scored, then a fine shot from Prutton hit the crossbar, dropped down in front of goal, and bounced off one of their defenders for 5-3 - and everything to play for.

You can guess what happened next. Yes, they scored within 2 minutes. Another defensive cock-up, augmented by a total abrogation of responsibility from our midfield, who clearly considered themselves above tracking back.

And in the final minute, the farce (at least the one on the pitch) reached its climax when exactly the same thing happened again: Findlay scored for us; 30 seconds later, they restored the advantage. Curtain. To absolutely no applause.


Goals: Jopson (40), Sunner (60), o.g. (64), Findlay (70)

Man of the Match: No. Not this time.